Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
