it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
