This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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