I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
