remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
