good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i came on her dog
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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