i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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