if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
