Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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