I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
