matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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