Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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