There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
