you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize