Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
