Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
