My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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