Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
