my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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