I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
