Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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