please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
