she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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