all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
