ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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