you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize