just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
