I bet he comes in French.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
