Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I am in a vortex of obligation.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
