you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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