Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
