Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
