Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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