Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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