New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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