3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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