I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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