I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
