Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm sobbing to NWA
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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