I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize