the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
