she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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