The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
