youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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