Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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