I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Houston, we have a squirter
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize