Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize