It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
