Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I deserve this hangover.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
