The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
