I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
