I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You ruined the universe
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
