Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
