Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
