I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize