omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
