you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
40s are totally the cure
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
