mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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