Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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