She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
