Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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