just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
