To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize