Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
How many fucks given?
0.12846
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
