Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize